Fourth-Year Without Meal Plan Checks Out New Saxby's Just To Feel Something Again
Kylie, a fourth-year who hasn’t eaten on grounds since 2021, finally broke …
The Secret to Success? Virginia Basketball Undefeated When Tristan How Plays
The Cavaliers have literally never lost when How enters the game. His …
AFC Squat Rack Wait Time Surpasses Three Hours
A recent report published by the AFC has shown that wait times …
It's Thursday: Reward Yourself for 2 Grueling Days of Class By Binge Drinking
Congratulations on making it through the first week of the semester!! Well, …
Reminder: Be Proud of Yourself, You Haven't Skipped Class Yet This Semester
Congratulations! You haven’t missed a single day of class this semester. A 4.0 GPA and academic weapon status are just …
UVA Now Officially A Swim & Dive School After Latest Basketball Loss
After a disappointing loss against Wake Forest dropped the Cavaliers men’s basketball team to 2-3 in ACC play, winless in …
Charlottesville Stores Suffer Black Puffer Jacket Shortage As Sorority Rush Begins
As rush begins in Charlottesville with January temperatures plummeting, PNM-induced shortages of black puffer jackets have left the aisles of …
Alderman Library Reopens: Ranked #1 Most Scenic Place To Cry Over Midterms
After decades of construction, Alderman Library’s reopening ahead of the spring 2024 semester made waves on the university’s ranking for …
Early Decision Acceptees to Replace Students with Sub 3.0 GPA
UVA released their ED decisions today, and along with it came an announcement that in order to maintain their Academic …
Guys, I Only Need a 172% On My Chem Final To Get a B+ In The Class
Upon typing her exam and homework grades into a final grade calculator, third-year Miranda received good news: she only needs …
Corrupt College Football Playoff Once Again Excludes UVA From NCAA Championship
The corrupt NCAA football playoff committee decided for the 10th straight season to exclude Virginia’s football team from the final …
Cavaliers Defeat The Hokies of Texas
The UVA men's cavalier basketball team, in their quest to destroy all global elements of the extreme Hokieism ideology, made …
OPINION: It's Too Cold Outside, I Don't Want To Go To Class
Despite paying tens of thousands of dollars for the ability to attend classes at the University of Virginia, it is …
Virginia Shuts Out Tech 3-0 in Massive Volleyball Win (No Others Sports Played Today)
Virginia, who definitely has never lost to Virginia Tech in any sports, continued their winning ways today with a massive …
UVA Gives Thanks to Students "We Are Thankful For Your Tuition"
UVA has released a touching statement to students this Thanksgiving Day, demonstrating their gratefulness to those willing to pay a …
Student Relieved at Light Thanksgiving Work Load: Only 6 Assignments!
Jared, a second year CS student, was relieved this morning after completing his final class and realizing his homework load …
Third Year Rents 21 Cars for 21st Birthday
In celebration of his 21st birthday, third year student Tyrone has decided to wake up at 3 am today and …
International Student Perplexed Halloween Was Not Last Weekend
Many students around grounds were puzzled to find that Halloween was not last weekend, despite the numerous halloween-themed activities. “I …
Virginia Football Beats Ranked UNC Team on the Road (This is not a joke)
Virginia football won their second consecutive game! They won on the road against UNC, who were ranked #10 in the …
Op-Ed: A Light Drizzle on Friday Constitutes Severe Weather (I don't want to go to class)
I speak for the entirety of the UVA student body in demanding that UVA prioritize the safety of students during …
Today's PHYS2415 Office Hours Will Be Held on the Shoulder of US-29
Hello PHYS2415 students, this is your official notice that I will be holding my office hours today from 2-3 pm …
First Year Arrested After Using Fake ID at Newcomb Dining Hall
A first year was arrested this morning after presenting Ms. Kathy with an expired 25-year-old Hawaii ID. “Look man, my …
UVA Ends Fall Break Early (You are late for your 10am)
UVA has ended fall break one day early, resuming classes this morning. “When we first published the fall 2023 academic …
HEARTBREAK: Taylor Swift Leaves Travis Kelce for Anthony Colandrea
After being spotted with Travis Kelce Sunday, Taylor Swift has reportedly left the stud TE heartbroken in her pursuit of …
3rd Year Physics Major Successfully Seduces Woman (They Made Eye Contact)
Quinn, a 3rd year Physics Major, successfully seduced (looked at) Anna, a nursing student who he has been courting (stalking) …
Pav Chik-Fil-A Gains Status as UNESCO World Heritage Site
After an extensive and grueling application and verification process, the Pav Chik-Fil-A has been deemed a UNESCO Word Heritage Site …
Blockbuster RA Trade: Balz-Dobie Sends Top Pick To Woody To Bolster Depth
In a move that many experts are labeling ‘The Trade of the Decade,’ The Balz-Dobie SR has traded their 2024 …
She's a 10 But She Rides a Veo to Class
Jared, a first year, was stunned early this morning when he saw his crush from Intro Biology, Emily, riding a …
SIGN THE PETITION: It's Time to #PaveTheLawn
🚨 TAKE ACTION: Click the link in our bio and let UVA know that we need to #pavethelawn 🚨 We …
We Have School Today (It Is Labor Day)
Today is Labor Day, a holiday where we celebrate the workforce of America. UVA administrators have decided there is no …
Virginity-Loss Rate of First Years in Neon Orange Football Shirts at All Time High
An extensive study recently concluded by the UVA Graduate School of Data Science revealed a shocking discovery this morning: a …
Statistics Major 95% Confident He Will Not Find Love
Eric, a third year statistics major, finished a longitudinal case study on himself and is now 95% confident that he …
English Major Gets Job
University officials were astonished this morning as a graduated English Major announced that she received a job offer. “I didn’t …
Naive First-Year Tells Upperclassmen That Ohill "Actually Isn't That Bad"
WARNING: This post is based on an actual conversation with a first year. Read at your own risk. One clever …
Jim Ryan Announces Bid for 2024 Presidency
Jim Ryan has announced his candidacy for the 2024 US Presidential Election. Following in the footsteps of Thomas Jefferson, he …
Professor Successfully Displays PowerPoint On Screen Without Technical Difficulties
A professor in the history department successfully connected their laptop to the projector without any issues, according to a source …
Fourth Year Struggles to Fit Both Class and Crippling Alcohol Addiction in Schedule
With classes now in full swing, UVA students are beginning to settle into a new semester of tough classes. But …
Professor Credibility Questioned After Hip-Hop Students Found Jumping On The Lawn
The Professor for “Cultures of Hip-Hop” credibility has come under question after a group of students were seen bouncing around …
E-School Student Drops Out After Reading First Syllabus
The UVA Engineering School claimed its first victim today when Owen, a first year, opened up his first Canvas page …
Advisor Refuses to Advise First Year Against Taking 21 Credits: "It's a Canon Event"
As the First Day of Class comes closer and closer, first year students have been meeting with advisors who definitely …
You Haven't Signed Your Lease For 2024-25 Yet? Really? What Is Wrong With You?
Wait, you really haven’t signed your lease yet? It’s already August and all the best places are already off the …
UPC Turns Down Taylor Swift's Offer to Play Welcome Week: "We don't book female artists"
Exclusive: Taylor Swift offered to play welcome week during the break before her international tour, but UPC turned her down …
New UVA Common App Prompt: How Much Money Does Your Daddy Donate to UVA?
In response to a recent Supreme Court decision, UVA has removed any and all ‘checkbox’ style questions from their common …
UVA Servers Hacked After Jim Ryan Clicks Ad For "Hot MILFs in Your Area"
UVA students were required to reset their passwords Tuesday after Jim Ryan responded to an ad for MILFs in his …
Opinion: Midsummers Was Overrated This Year (It Was This Weekend)
Midsummers, the annual UVA summer blackout festival which was definitely held this weekend, has been deemed “overrated” according to an …
Confession: I Shit My Pants In The CavMan Suit
This morning BNH received an anonymous email from a person who confessed to shitting their pants at the UVA v. …
Summer Intern Still Unsure of Purpose at Company
Donna, a third year student in the Comm school, recently completed her third week at her prestigious internship with Deloitte. …
Incoming First Year Drops Dead After Stepping Foot in Ohill for First Time
Early this morning, Observatory Hill Dining Hall claimed it’s first victim of many from the incoming class of 2027, when …
Opinion: Midterms Should be Held in the Middle of the Term
As students gear up for their tenth week of midterms, some are beginning to question the current academic system. “I …
As Potential Students Visit UVA, Dining Hall Food Mysteriously Becomes Good Again
A leaked memo from UVA Dine revealed that dining hall staff were instructed to “actually make the good stuff” this …
First Year Forced to Clean Communal Bathrooms After Setting Off Fire Alarm
Balz-Dobie, the scholars housing, was awoken late last night to the sweet sounds of a fire alarm. The fire department …
How Will Lou Bloomfield's Retirement Affect Lebron's Legacy?
Lou Bloomfield is a professor in the physics department. Widely known for his creation Lou’s List, he is a prolific …
The Shot Heard 'Round Grounds; Biker Tarred and Feathered by Engineers on E-Way
At exactly 1:48 pm today, Quinn, a second year, was knocked off his bike by a mob of angry Engineer …
3rd Year CS Major Unable to Graduate After Required Class Instantly Fills Up
Zoe, a 3rd year CS major, was devastated today to find that a class required for her major has already …
Life is Awful, Everything Sucks (It Is Raining Outside)
Students across grounds forced to attend Friday class in the rain unanimously agreed that life is terrible and the world …
UVA Physics Dept. to Being Offering B.S. in Nuclear Warfare
The UVA Physics department has announced the development of a new B.S. program to be available in 2027: the B.S. …
UVA to Create "Lawn 2.0" by Removing Rotunda
Late last night Jim Ryan approved the Rotunda Removal Proposal in what is to be step 1 of the University’s …
April Fools! UVA Sends Out Fake Acceptance Letters to Rejected High Schoolers
Tens of thousands of rejected students fell victim to an April Fools prank today as the university sent out fake …
Professors Fail Kihei Clark in All Classes After March Madness Performance
After a disappointing March Madness performance, Kihei Clark returned to UVA expecting to at least be able to enjoy his …
Astronomy Major Declarations Skyrocket After McIntire Decision Released
With McIntire decisions released yesterday, many UVA Pre-Comm students have had to pivot their major plans after not being accepted …
BadNewsHoss Intern David to Run for 2025 Class President
Bad News Hoos intern David announced he is running for President of the Class of 2025 today. While we have …
Student to propose to Yik-Yak Girlfriend
In a true testament to the benefits of modern dating methods, Cookie, who claims he is a fourth year (M) …
UVA Declares Bankruptcy After Overprojecting Laundry Revenue
In a shock to the country, UVA has declared bankruptcy after overprojecting laundry revenue. “The revenue from laundry rooms are …
Record 98% of Students Ask Miss Kathy To Be Their Valentine
Anonymous sources reporting from Newcomb Hall have shared that the dining hall has been swamped by chocolates and flowers this …
Eagles Fans Demolish Old Cabell Hall After Super Bowl Loss
Last night, the Kansas City Chiefs defeated the Philadelphia Eagles 38-35 to win Super Bowl 57. This morning, UVA students …
Outdoors Club President to be Executed After Being Found Indoors
As the weather takes a turn for the better, droves of UVA students have been spending much of their free …
Student Enjoying Nice Weather Remembers Global Warming, Has Existential Crisis
While Anne walked across grounds Wednesday afternoon, her appreciation for the sunny and warm day quickly turned to terror and …
Grad Student Writes Entire PhD Thesis Using Only ChatGPT
AI has grown exponentially since the start of 2023, the most notable example being the all-encompassing language model ChatGPT. But …
UVA Revealed to be Scripted
In a bombshell report released early this morning, a whistleblower revealed to Bad News Hoos that UVA is scripted. This …
New Papa's Pizzeria Location Opens at Croads to Improve Dining Options
As the quality and popularity of Ohill dining options declines, the school announced a new Papa’s Pizzeria location in an …
First Annual UVA "Running of the Streakers" to be Held on The Lawn
In an attempt to increase applications for the class of 2028 cycle, the University has announced that the first annual …
Class Attendance Plummets as Fraternity Brothers Prepare for Final Vote
Class attendance took a hit today as fraternity brothers across UVA prepare for their ‘Election Day’. “This is not just …
Ryan Dunn Changes Name to Ryan Dunk After Latest Poster
After yet another crazy alley-oop finish in Virginia’s 67-62 victory over Syracuse, freshman forward Ryan Dunn has legally changed his …
UVA Buys Out Messi from PSG in $450M Acquisition
Early this morning, the @uvamensoccer team acquired PSG superstar Lionel Messi in a $450M buyout. The Argentinian, who is coming …
Engineering Student Shocked to Find Grounds Extends Beyond E-School
At around 10:47 am this morning, Eric, a third-year engineering student, ventured off of the e-school grounds for the first …
Scott Stadium Chosen to Host Super Bowl LVII
In a bid to increase attendance during next year’s football season, the UVA athletic department has successfully bid for Super …
Kihei Clark Touches Rim
After 5 years of intense and focused training, Kihei Clark has finally touched the rim in-game. His feat has stirred …
Professors Label Students 'Unprepared' as Many Fail to Complete FDOC Assignments
Multiple professors have called out some ‘unprepared’ students that did not complete their assignments for the first day of classes. …
All Grades from Last Semester Officially in SIS
Reporters at Bad News Hoos have just received notice that the final grade from last semester has officially been put …
Girl Receives C- in Sorority After Failing to Turn In Enough Rush Week Instagram Stories
Alicia’s semester is already off to a poor start after she received a C- in Intermediate Sorority Membership II for …
Bombshell Report Shows First Year Sexiled for Record 88 Nights Last Semester
A report released by HRL has disclosed that a first year was sexiled for 88 nights last semester, destroying the …
Record Lows: Only 94% of Last Year's Fraternity Pledges Claim "Bad" to "Severe" Hazing
With another year of rush now under way, the UVA Inter-Fraternity Council has released its annual report on Fraternal activities …
BREAKING: Open Seat Actually Available in Clark During Finals Week
In a minor miracle, an open desk was spotted in Clark Hall around 10 a.m. Thursday. It was the first …
University Pulls Pass/Fail Option for All Classes: "Sike, you thought"
In a shocking regression from their former policy, the University Board of Educators has announced that all students will once …
Gooch-Dillard Revealed to be Social Experiment
The psychology department announced Thursday that assigning first years to Gooch-Dillard has, in fact, been a long-term social experiment. “We’ve …
UVA Astronomy Club Announces Field Trip to Black Hole
The UVA Astronomy Club has announced its first annual trip to Sagittarius A*, the black hole at the center of …
UVA Ranked #3 after Discovering Kihei can Stand on Caffaro's Shoulders
UVA men’s basketball shot to the top of the rankings on Friday after the team finally perfected a never-before-seen strategy: …
"Disgusting": Frat Banned for Hazing after Forcing Pledges to Attend UVA Football Games
The University announced a four-year ban on campus fraternity Oozma Kappa, after an emotional hearing Saturday morning revealed that the …
Midterms: Republicans Win 97% of Vote Among Guys with "Moderate" in Tinder Bio
Polling after the hotly contested 2022 midterm elections revealed, among other trends in the university’s voting bloc, 97% support for …
8 AM Class Attendance Drops to 2% After Recent Clock Changes
Attendance in 8am classes reached record lows today as students struggle to adjust their schedules to Standard Time. “Getting to …
Elated Fans Storm Field After Football Team Only Loses by Three Points
Fans rushed the field at Scott Stadium with elation after the Virginia football team managed to only lose by three …
Self-identifying "Trin Rat" Sets Guinness World Record for Longest Bender
After months of training, Jacob, a third year brother of TDX, has finally set the Guinness world record for the …
Inter-Fraternity Council Announces Grand Opening of Traffic Cone Museum
The Inter-Fraternity Council announced Thursday that the grand opening of the first-ever Traffic Cone Museum is slated for the spring …
Elon Musk Submits Bid to Purchase Lou's List
After acquiring Twitter, billionaire Elon Musk has set his sights on University of Virginia staple Lou’s List. Musk plans to …
Jim Ryan Wins Trick-Or-Treating on the Lawn
Against all odds, Jim Ryan won the annual Trick-Or-Treating On the Lawn contest in a tightly contested battle. “This win …
Police Donate Thousands of Halloween Costumes After Frat Round-Ups
After unusual police activity in the UVA fraternity area last night, thousands of Halloween costumes have been donated to the …
Dining Hall Food Quality Spikes Nearly 60% as Parents Weekend Kicks Off
A recent survey conducted by Bad News Hoos reporters has revealed that perceived quality of dining hall food has risen …
Student Found Dead in Rivanna River After Being Voted Off Survivor at UVA
Early this morning Charlottesville police pulled a body from the Rivanna River. The body was later identified as a student …
CRIME: Thousands of First-Years Imprisoned After Jaywalking Sting Operation
Thousands of first-years were taken into custody after police officers conducted a raid on jaywalkers at the McCormick-Alderman intersection. As …
Old Dorms Plan to Secede from University of Virginia
After months of growing anti-runk sentiments within the residents of UVA Old Dorms, the SRs and RAs of the sector …
Professor Cancels Office Hours for Seventh Consecutive Week
For the seventh consecutive week, Professor Johnson, an astronomy professor, has cancelled their office hours. “I just don’t understand why …
Clem 2 to be Turned Into "Live-Action Exhibit" for Prospective Class of 2027ers
Clemons Library announced Saturday that it would be transforming Clem 2 into a “live-action exhibit”, so prospective UVA students can …
Jobs: Econ Major Seeking Tutor for ENGL 1008: Learning the Alphabet A-M
Daniel, a third-year Econ Major, would like to find a tutor for ENGL 1008: Learning the Alphabet A-M. He currently …
Class Attendance Plummets as Swifties Skip Class, Mentally Prepare for Midnights Release
Attendance plummeted 41% across grounds today, as Taylor Swift fans elected to skip class to “get in the right headspace” …
Professors Collude to have Midterms on Same 3 Days
A group of professors have been exposed for colluding to have their midterms on the same 3 days. “I like …
First-Year Treats Girlfriend to Late Night Runk
Last night, first-year Alicia was treated to a romantic evening at Late Night Runk by her boyfriend Ricardo, a huge …
SCANDAL: President of UVA Waffle Club Caught on Camera with Pancake
The UVA Waffle Club has removed their president after receiving footage of him eating pancakes. “At first, I thought he …
Professor Accuses Student of Cheating After Acing "Impossible" Midterm
In the most recent honor code violation scandal, Professor Simmons has accused a student in his intro physics class of …
Second Year Drops Out After Achieving YikYak Notoriety
Friends and family of Kevin, a second year at UVA, were shocked to learn today that Kevin dropped out after …
Professor Grades Homework in Timely Manner
In a stunning move, Professor Clark, a computer science professor, has graded a homework assignment in a timely manner, only …
Jefferson Park Avenue Renamed Jefferson Drive Avenue
Early this morning, the Charlottesville Department of Transportation voted to rename Jefferson Park Avenue to Jefferson Drive Avenue. The decision …
Chemistry Department Announces New Major Concentration in Cooking Meth
Starting next school year, the UVA Chemistry Department will offer a new major concentration in cooking meth. “It’s a game …
UVA Responds to Reports of Mold in First-Year Dorms: "We Don't Care, F*** You"
Frequent reports of mold causing health problems in first-year dorms this year have raised concern among the student body. These …
Club Sailing at UVA Shocked to Learn They Can't Sail at AFC
Over the weekend, @sailingatuva was shocked to learn that sailboats are strictly prohibited at the AFC. We caught up with …
Survey Reveals 72% of Students in Clark Library are Just Watching Netflix
A recent poll of UVA undergraduates revealed that 72% of students in Clark Library, including 88% of students in the …
After Third Straight Loss, Coach Says UVA Football Team has "Best Grades in ACC"
After the Virginia football team’s third straight loss, head coach Tony Elliott called attention to the team’s academic excellence in …
Student Expelled for Honor Code Violation After Lying About Height on Tinder
In a recent ruling, the UJC has determined that lying on your Tinder bio constitutes an honor code violation, and …
Rodman Scholar Unable to Engineer Girlfriend
After days of hard work in AutoCAD, third-year Rodman Scholar Jack remains unable to engineer himself a girlfriend, despite being …
University Announces Ban on Academic Weapons; Balz-Dobie Left Vacant
In a shocking display of power from the University Judiciary Committee, all Academic Weapons have been banned from grounds effective …
UVA Virginity Club President Impeached After Having Sex
In what some are calling the “sex scandal of the century,” the president of the UVA Virginity Club has been …
80% of Club Swim Found to be Unable to Swim
A recent study has shown that nearly 80% of the members of @clubswimatuva are, in fact, unable to swim. This …
Gingers of UVA Releases Anti-Blonde Manifesto
The Gingers of UVA club released their inaugural anti-blonde manifesto Sunday evening after a closed-doors board meeting. “ATTENTION, STUDENTS OF …
UVA Teacher's Assistants Form Union
The Teacher’s Assistants of UVA have unionized, despite attempts by the University to dispel such efforts. The union has formed …
MIRACLE: Student Wakes Up For 8:00 a.m. Class on Friday Before Fall Break
In what students and faculty alike are calling “the miracle of the century,” third-year Shaun managed to wake up in …
Newcomb "Gas Leak" Conveniently Happens as Dining Hall Runs Out of Food
Hours ago students were stunned as staff rushed them outside of Newcomb Hall. The reason? A supposed “Gas Leak” had …
Sorority Girl Guillotined on Mad Bowl After Wearing Letters to Wine Wednesday
When Sarah, a second-year in Delta Nu, wore her letters to Wine Wednesday, she knew she’d made a mistake. However, …
Pav Chik-Fil-A Found to be Front for Money Laundering
After months of an agonizing wait, Charlottesville PD has finally announced why the Pav Chik-Fil-A has been “under construction” for …
Corn Kid Announced as 2023 Graduation Speaker
The UVA Office of Major Events announced this morning that the keynote graduation speaker for the class of 2023 would …
Sorority Girl Loses Date on Dance Floor, Can't Tell Him Apart from Other Men
In a chaotic scene at Trin last night, Becca, a proud member of Zeta Kappa Phi, lost her date on …
After Missed Field Goals, Club Soccer Team Invited to Try Out for Starting Kicker Job
After missing two field goals and having an extra point blocked against Syracuse, the ‘Hoos are searching for talented kickers …
Student Athlete Completes All Weekly Homework Assignments
For the first time this year, Gabby, a student athlete, has completed all her weekly homework assignments. “We are all …
Bad News Hoos Intern Fired, Expelled after Post Doesn't Earn Enough Likes
A shakeup in the Bad News Hoos staff occurred today, after intern Jeff was forced to clean out his locker …
Nursing School Pledges to have 10% Male Population by 2040
The UVA equity committee has launched an aggressive campaign to increase the male population in the nursing school. “I don’t …
Student Shot by Librarian After Sneezing in Clem 2
It’s Midterm Season, and with it comes the semesterly migration of students to Clem 2 for all of their studying …
Barstool UVA Makes Bi-Annual Post
It’s a miracle! @barstooluva has posted! This is not only a major relief for the students of UVA, but for …
University Announces Inaugural "Drink With Jim" to be Held Next Weekend
As attendance for Jim Ryan’s “Run With Jim” morning meetups has declined, the university announced a new series of “Drink …
After Disappointing Game, Backpacks Confiscated From Entire Starting Offense
After turning the ball over three times and scoring just 16 points against Old Dominion, head coach Tony Elliott confiscated …
AFC Lifeguard Asked Question by Patron
In what has been described as “the most exciting event in the history of guarding lives”, an AFC lifeguard was …
Cavalier Marching Band Demands to be Recognized as Athletic Organization
In light of UVA’s recent football performance, and with a performance of their own coming up in a few days, …
Obituaries: First Year Dies from Sodium Poisoning After Ohill Meal
It’s a sad day at UVA. An unidentified first year has sadly passed away after he had 3 servings of …
Architecture Major Forgets to Turn In Apartment, Dozens Left Homeless
The Charlottesville community suffered a devastating blow Sunday evening as Kyle, an architecture major, failed to turn in his apartment …
UVA Students Receive Refund for Athletics Fee After Football Team Loss
UVA Student Financial Services has released a statement saying all students will receive a refund to their bank accounts equivalent …
Rotunda Discovered to be Replica
An Archaeologist visiting UVA has dropped a bombshell on the University: the Rotunda that we all know and love is …
Celebration of Queen Elizabeth's Death to be Held on the Lawn
Ding Dong, the Queen is Dead! Join us in celebrating this joyous day tomorrow at 12 pm on the lawn. …
Serving Lady Fired for Doling Out More Than Six Wings at Wing Wednesday
Wing Wednesday has returned to Newcomb, and with it returns UVA Dine’s strict policy of serving precisely 6 wings per …
Echols Scholar Adds GPA to Tinder Bio
Sean, a third-year Echols Scholar, recently took a bold step in his pursuit of everlasting love: adding his 3.96 GPA …
Engineering Student Goes Outside
Students across grounds were shocked to see Kevin, an engineering student, emerge from their room into the harsh sunlight and …
University Responds to Student Requests to Have Holiday Off: "It's Labor Day, Not Rest Day"
When asked by students why they didn’t get the day off on a federal holiday, University officials responded with hostility. …
Board of Visitors Announces New School of Construction Will Be Named After Jim Ryan
The University’s new School of Construction was officially named Ryan Hall Saturday afternoon, a testament to President Jim Ryan’s lasting …
First Year Shocks Scott Stadium by Remembering All Words to Good Old Song
Emily, a first year girl, has shocked everyone by remembering all of the words to the Good Old Song on …
UVA Offers Fake ID Giveaway In Attempt to Boost Attendance at Football Season Opener
With the Virginia football team set to kick off their season against Richmond Saturday afternoon, the program has gone all-out …
Croads to Start Selling Fireball Shooters and White Claw on Meal Exchange
Crossroads announced earlier today that they have partnered with 7day to offer fireball shooters and white claw on meal exchange. …
UVA to Relocate Scott Stadium to Carter's Mountain
UVA Athletics announced early this week that Scott Stadium will be relocating to Carter’s Mountain in an attempt to make …
Timothy J. Longo Receives Award from University for Identifying Suspect Appearance
The University of Virginia issued an official commendation to Timothy J. Longo after he accurately identified the appearance of a …
Charlottesville Submits Bid to Host 2036 Summer Olympics
Today Jim Ryan announced in conjunction with @uvaupc that Charlottesville has submitted a bid to host the 2036 Olympics, with …
First-Year Gets Lost Streaking Lawn, Ends Up in Clark Stacks
Kevin, a first-year, was found naked in the Clark stacks at 2:31 a.m. Saturday night after making a wrong turn …
First Year Drawn and Quartered on the Lawn for Calling Himself a Freshman
The University Judiciary Committee decided Thursday that the crime of referring to oneself with terms such as “freshman” or “sophomore” …
Short-Staffed Grillology Announces Plan to Pay New Hires in Chicken Tenders
Grillology, a staple of the first-year community at the University of Virginia, has turned to drastic measures to address their …
Jim Ryan Announces Paving of Lawn in Expansion of First-Year Parking Privileges
Virginia’s Class of 2026 is the largest in school history, and the university’s innovative leaders are adapting to match the …
Professor Shunned for Using Full 75 Minutes of Lecture on FDOC
Rumors have surfaced that a Math Professor used his full 75 minute instruction period on the First Day of Class, …
Andrew Tate Club at UVA Stirs up Controversy at Activities Fair
Yesterday the Activities Fair was proceeding as normal; First years frolicked around, upperclassmen chatted with their friends, when a new …
First Year Shocked to Find Trin Won't Accept Flex Dollars
First-year student Kevin came to Grounds excited for an easygoing and fun experience. However, his first weekend as a ‘Hoo …
Fraternity Porch Collapses in "Freak Ocurrence"; Skepticism Rises
Block party goers were shocked last night when the Delta Sigma Phi house porch collapsed in the middle of Starships …
Sean Kingston Drops From Welcome Week Concert to Pregame Block Party
In an unfortunate series of events, Sean Kingston has dropped from the Welcome Week concert at JPJ. Sources close to …
Club Beer Pong at UVA Qualifies for Nationals
In a riveting performance last night, the UVA Club Beer Pong Team qualified for the national tournament. The team displayed …
ID Cards Stop Working. Thousands Left Homeless
Today, thousands of first years were forced to take to the streets as their key cards stopped working. The cause? …
Construction Worker Whistleblower Claims Each Night, Previous Day's Work is "undone"
In a not-so-shocking development, one of the McCormick Road construction workers has come forward with a confession: every night, the …
Sign Guy Debuts New Sign after Consultation with Fourth-Year Students
Last month, the fourth-year council reached out to sign guy with concerns over a lack of variety in recently displayed …
First-Year Expelled for Taking Two Bags of Chips with Society Subs Order
In a shocking display of the power of the honor code, a first year student was expelled Saturday for taking …
In Shocking Development, Entire Sorority Pledge Class Fits onto Single Veo Scooter
Late last night, an entire sorority pledge class was seen riding a single Veo scooter down Rugby Road before crashing …
Computer Science Student Frustrated CS 110 Doesn't Satisfy Language Requirement
With sign up for fall semester classes now behind us, many students are annoyed at how fast certain sections filled …
Around Grounds
clubs
UPC Turns Down Taylor Swift's Offer to Play Welcome Week: "We don't book female artists"
greek-life
Charlottesville Stores Suffer Black Puffer Jacket Shortage As Sorority Rush Begins
academics
It's Thursday: Reward Yourself for 2 Grueling Days of Class By Binge Drinking
sports
The Secret to Success? Virginia Basketball Undefeated When Tristan How Plays
cville
Fourth-Year Without Meal Plan Checks Out New Saxby's Just To Feel Something Again
