Record 98% of Students Ask Miss Kathy To Be Their Valentine
William Grayson - February 14, 2023 - cville
Anonymous sources reporting from Newcomb Hall have shared that the dining hall has been swamped by chocolates and flowers this morning as over 18,000 different students asked Miss Kathy to be their Valentine.
The dining hall is closed until further notice as custodial staff work overtime to sweep rose petals off the floor.
Reports indicate that the 2% of students who did not send a gift of affection to the beloved dining hall employee were E-school students with no concept of romantic or platonic love.