UVA Gives Thanks to Students "We Are Thankful For Your Tuition"
UVA has released a touching statement to students this Thanksgiving Day, demonstrating …
Third Year Rents 21 Cars for 21st Birthday
In celebration of his 21st birthday, third year student Tyrone has decided …
International Student Perplexed Halloween Was Not Last Weekend
Many students around grounds were puzzled to find that Halloween was not …
First Year Arrested After Using Fake ID at Newcomb Dining Hall
A first year was arrested this morning after presenting Ms. Kathy with an expired 25-year-old Hawaii ID. “Look man, my …
Pav Chik-Fil-A Gains Status as UNESCO World Heritage Site
After an extensive and grueling application and verification process, the Pav Chik-Fil-A has been deemed a UNESCO Word Heritage Site …
Blockbuster RA Trade: Balz-Dobie Sends Top Pick To Woody To Bolster Depth
In a move that many experts are labeling ‘The Trade of the Decade,’ The Balz-Dobie SR has traded their 2024 …
She's a 10 But She Rides a Veo to Class
Jared, a first year, was stunned early this morning when he saw his crush from Intro Biology, Emily, riding a …
SIGN THE PETITION: It's Time to #PaveTheLawn
🚨 TAKE ACTION: Click the link in our bio and let UVA know that we need to #pavethelawn 🚨 We …
Naive First-Year Tells Upperclassmen That Ohill "Actually Isn't That Bad"
WARNING: This post is based on an actual conversation with a first year. Read at your own risk. One clever …
Jim Ryan Announces Bid for 2024 Presidency
Jim Ryan has announced his candidacy for the 2024 US Presidential Election. Following in the footsteps of Thomas Jefferson, he …
You Haven't Signed Your Lease For 2024-25 Yet? Really? What Is Wrong With You?
Wait, you really haven’t signed your lease yet? It’s already August and all the best places are already off the …
New UVA Common App Prompt: How Much Money Does Your Daddy Donate to UVA?
In response to a recent Supreme Court decision, UVA has removed any and all ‘checkbox’ style questions from their common …
UVA Servers Hacked After Jim Ryan Clicks Ad For "Hot MILFs in Your Area"
UVA students were required to reset their passwords Tuesday after Jim Ryan responded to an ad for MILFs in his …
Opinion: Midsummers Was Overrated This Year (It Was This Weekend)
Midsummers, the annual UVA summer blackout festival which was definitely held this weekend, has been deemed “overrated” according to an …
Summer Intern Still Unsure of Purpose at Company
Donna, a third year student in the Comm school, recently completed her third week at her prestigious internship with Deloitte. …
Incoming First Year Drops Dead After Stepping Foot in Ohill for First Time
Early this morning, Observatory Hill Dining Hall claimed it’s first victim of many from the incoming class of 2027, when …
As Potential Students Visit UVA, Dining Hall Food Mysteriously Becomes Good Again
A leaked memo from UVA Dine revealed that dining hall staff were instructed to “actually make the good stuff” this …
First Year Forced to Clean Communal Bathrooms After Setting Off Fire Alarm
Balz-Dobie, the scholars housing, was awoken late last night to the sweet sounds of a fire alarm. The fire department …
The Shot Heard 'Round Grounds; Biker Tarred and Feathered by Engineers on E-Way
At exactly 1:48 pm today, Quinn, a second year, was knocked off his bike by a mob of angry Engineer …
Life is Awful, Everything Sucks (It Is Raining Outside)
Students across grounds forced to attend Friday class in the rain unanimously agreed that life is terrible and the world …
UVA to Create "Lawn 2.0" by Removing Rotunda
Late last night Jim Ryan approved the Rotunda Removal Proposal in what is to be step 1 of the University’s …
April Fools! UVA Sends Out Fake Acceptance Letters to Rejected High Schoolers
Tens of thousands of rejected students fell victim to an April Fools prank today as the university sent out fake …
BadNewsHoss Intern David to Run for 2025 Class President
Bad News Hoos intern David announced he is running for President of the Class of 2025 today. While we have …
Student to propose to Yik-Yak Girlfriend
In a true testament to the benefits of modern dating methods, Cookie, who claims he is a fourth year (M) …
UVA Declares Bankruptcy After Overprojecting Laundry Revenue
In a shock to the country, UVA has declared bankruptcy after overprojecting laundry revenue. “The revenue from laundry rooms are …
Record 98% of Students Ask Miss Kathy To Be Their Valentine
Anonymous sources reporting from Newcomb Hall have shared that the dining hall has been swamped by chocolates and flowers this …
Student Enjoying Nice Weather Remembers Global Warming, Has Existential Crisis
While Anne walked across grounds Wednesday afternoon, her appreciation for the sunny and warm day quickly turned to terror and …
UVA Revealed to be Scripted
In a bombshell report released early this morning, a whistleblower revealed to Bad News Hoos that UVA is scripted. This …
New Papa's Pizzeria Location Opens at Croads to Improve Dining Options
As the quality and popularity of Ohill dining options declines, the school announced a new Papa’s Pizzeria location in an …
First Annual UVA "Running of the Streakers" to be Held on The Lawn
In an attempt to increase applications for the class of 2028 cycle, the University has announced that the first annual …
Bombshell Report Shows First Year Sexiled for Record 88 Nights Last Semester
A report released by HRL has disclosed that a first year was sexiled for 88 nights last semester, destroying the …
Gooch-Dillard Revealed to be Social Experiment
The psychology department announced Thursday that assigning first years to Gooch-Dillard has, in fact, been a long-term social experiment. “We’ve …
Midterms: Republicans Win 97% of Vote Among Guys with "Moderate" in Tinder Bio
Polling after the hotly contested 2022 midterm elections revealed, among other trends in the university’s voting bloc, 97% support for …
Jim Ryan Wins Trick-Or-Treating on the Lawn
Against all odds, Jim Ryan won the annual Trick-Or-Treating On the Lawn contest in a tightly contested battle. “This win …
Dining Hall Food Quality Spikes Nearly 60% as Parents Weekend Kicks Off
A recent survey conducted by Bad News Hoos reporters has revealed that perceived quality of dining hall food has risen …
CRIME: Thousands of First-Years Imprisoned After Jaywalking Sting Operation
Thousands of first-years were taken into custody after police officers conducted a raid on jaywalkers at the McCormick-Alderman intersection. As …
Old Dorms Plan to Secede from University of Virginia
After months of growing anti-runk sentiments within the residents of UVA Old Dorms, the SRs and RAs of the sector …
Professor Cancels Office Hours for Seventh Consecutive Week
For the seventh consecutive week, Professor Johnson, an astronomy professor, has cancelled their office hours. “I just don’t understand why …
First-Year Treats Girlfriend to Late Night Runk
Last night, first-year Alicia was treated to a romantic evening at Late Night Runk by her boyfriend Ricardo, a huge …
Second Year Drops Out After Achieving YikYak Notoriety
Friends and family of Kevin, a second year at UVA, were shocked to learn today that Kevin dropped out after …
Jefferson Park Avenue Renamed Jefferson Drive Avenue
Early this morning, the Charlottesville Department of Transportation voted to rename Jefferson Park Avenue to Jefferson Drive Avenue. The decision …
UVA Responds to Reports of Mold in First-Year Dorms: "We Don't Care, F*** You"
Frequent reports of mold causing health problems in first-year dorms this year have raised concern among the student body. These …
Student Expelled for Honor Code Violation After Lying About Height on Tinder
In a recent ruling, the UJC has determined that lying on your Tinder bio constitutes an honor code violation, and …
Newcomb "Gas Leak" Conveniently Happens as Dining Hall Runs Out of Food
Hours ago students were stunned as staff rushed them outside of Newcomb Hall. The reason? A supposed “Gas Leak” had …
Pav Chik-Fil-A Found to be Front for Money Laundering
After months of an agonizing wait, Charlottesville PD has finally announced why the Pav Chik-Fil-A has been “under construction” for …
Corn Kid Announced as 2023 Graduation Speaker
The UVA Office of Major Events announced this morning that the keynote graduation speaker for the class of 2023 would …
Barstool UVA Makes Bi-Annual Post
It’s a miracle! @barstooluva has posted! This is not only a major relief for the students of UVA, but for …
University Announces Inaugural "Drink With Jim" to be Held Next Weekend
As attendance for Jim Ryan’s “Run With Jim” morning meetups has declined, the university announced a new series of “Drink …
AFC Lifeguard Asked Question by Patron
In what has been described as “the most exciting event in the history of guarding lives”, an AFC lifeguard was …
Obituaries: First Year Dies from Sodium Poisoning After Ohill Meal
It’s a sad day at UVA. An unidentified first year has sadly passed away after he had 3 servings of …
Rotunda Discovered to be Replica
An Archaeologist visiting UVA has dropped a bombshell on the University: the Rotunda that we all know and love is …
Celebration of Queen Elizabeth's Death to be Held on the Lawn
Ding Dong, the Queen is Dead! Join us in celebrating this joyous day tomorrow at 12 pm on the lawn. …
Serving Lady Fired for Doling Out More Than Six Wings at Wing Wednesday
Wing Wednesday has returned to Newcomb, and with it returns UVA Dine’s strict policy of serving precisely 6 wings per …
Board of Visitors Announces New School of Construction Will Be Named After Jim Ryan
The University’s new School of Construction was officially named Ryan Hall Saturday afternoon, a testament to President Jim Ryan’s lasting …
Croads to Start Selling Fireball Shooters and White Claw on Meal Exchange
Crossroads announced earlier today that they have partnered with 7day to offer fireball shooters and white claw on meal exchange. …
Timothy J. Longo Receives Award from University for Identifying Suspect Appearance
The University of Virginia issued an official commendation to Timothy J. Longo after he accurately identified the appearance of a …
First-Year Gets Lost Streaking Lawn, Ends Up in Clark Stacks
Kevin, a first-year, was found naked in the Clark stacks at 2:31 a.m. Saturday night after making a wrong turn …
First Year Drawn and Quartered on the Lawn for Calling Himself a Freshman
The University Judiciary Committee decided Thursday that the crime of referring to oneself with terms such as “freshman” or “sophomore” …
Short-Staffed Grillology Announces Plan to Pay New Hires in Chicken Tenders
Grillology, a staple of the first-year community at the University of Virginia, has turned to drastic measures to address their …
Jim Ryan Announces Paving of Lawn in Expansion of First-Year Parking Privileges
Virginia’s Class of 2026 is the largest in school history, and the university’s innovative leaders are adapting to match the …
First Year Shocked to Find Trin Won't Accept Flex Dollars
First-year student Kevin came to Grounds excited for an easygoing and fun experience. However, his first weekend as a ‘Hoo …
Sean Kingston Drops From Welcome Week Concert to Pregame Block Party
In an unfortunate series of events, Sean Kingston has dropped from the Welcome Week concert at JPJ. Sources close to …
ID Cards Stop Working. Thousands Left Homeless
Today, thousands of first years were forced to take to the streets as their key cards stopped working. The cause? …
Construction Worker Whistleblower Claims Each Night, Previous Day's Work is "undone"
In a not-so-shocking development, one of the McCormick Road construction workers has come forward with a confession: every night, the …
Sign Guy Debuts New Sign after Consultation with Fourth-Year Students
Last month, the fourth-year council reached out to sign guy with concerns over a lack of variety in recently displayed …
First-Year Expelled for Taking Two Bags of Chips with Society Subs Order
In a shocking display of the power of the honor code, a first year student was expelled Saturday for taking …
Around Grounds
clubs
UPC Turns Down Taylor Swift's Offer to Play Welcome Week: "We don't book female artists"
greek-life
Charlottesville Stores Suffer Black Puffer Jacket Shortage As Sorority Rush Begins
academics
It's Thursday: Reward Yourself for 2 Grueling Days of Class By Binge Drinking
sports
The Secret to Success? Virginia Basketball Undefeated When Tristan How Plays
cville
Fourth-Year Without Meal Plan Checks Out New Saxby's Just To Feel Something Again
