Smithfield Bacon Ecstatic Over UVA Basketball Result
William Grayson - February 19, 2024 - sports
Against all odds, no player on the Cavalier basketball team missed a set of free throws in the Commonwealth Clash, preventing a bacon shortage in Blacksburg, Virginia. Following an abysmal 1 / 11 free throw performance in the Cavaliers previous game, it was all but certain that a player would miss a set at the line, which would have resulted in mass distribution of bacon coupons to Virginia Tech students.
“We took a gamble, and it paid off,” said one Smithfield executive, “we thought there was simply no way players could miss multiple free throws in a row - they’re just so easy. My yearly bonus was in jeopardy because some student-athletes couldn’t do their civic duty and sink their shots from the charity stripe.”
In other news, it has been reported that Smithfield bacon will alter their sponsorship deal, opting to have a promotional deal triggered by a player receiving six fouls in a game.