Rodman Scholar Unable to Engineer Girlfriend
William Grayson - October 6, 2022 - academics
After days of hard work in AutoCAD, third-year Rodman Scholar Jack remains unable to engineer himself a girlfriend, despite being one of the university’s best and brightest mechanical engineering students.
“It’s been hard,” Jack said in an interview. “I have a 4.0 and a great six-figure job lined up once I graduate, but I yearn to someday feel the touch of a woman.”
Despite months of studying, Jack has been unable to master the art of talking to girls, who he says are “intimidated by my 1600 SAT.” Friends and roommates of Jack speaking anonymously blamed the Rodman scholar for his plight, suggesting that “showering more than once a month” or “occasionally wearing deodorant” might help Jack on his quest for a girlfriend.